Anyway, our member sent e-mail to its webmaster (who, by the way, is 'King Arthur') and copied Private Citizen to let us in on the fun. Well, We couldn't resist leaving a comment in his guest book, which follows:

04/25/98
Name:                               Bob Bulmash
Favorite Telemarketer:  The ones who pay those who they call
Favorite Web Site:          Yours
Favorite Rock Group:     Those in a telemarketer's head
Comments:                       Your website is insipid.
                                           I'll link to it from our site in order to give our members a laugh.

Soooo,,,, King Arthur wrote back -

Bob,
I bet your members would have a real good laugh when they realize what a pathetic life you have. Talk about insipid. I heard about your challenge to telemarketers from your ambulance chasing buddy Bobby Arkow. [Mr. Arkow was the first Private Citizen member to collect over $10,000.00 from telemarketers] Well I challenge you to offer me a real service or product that I might be willing to buy and I would be happy to give you my phone number. You just want to be able to call me to harass me. Now I ask you who is more pathetic, people who make legitimate calls offering services like insurance, lawn care, new windows, or many other products that are useful and actually purchased by people or someone who wants to play with the phone for their own perverse pleasure. If your so hot to call people why not try phone sex, that seems like it would be right up your and Bobby's alley. Like I told him, get a life and leave hard working people alone.
The King

To which we replied:

Ya know,

If you weren't so befuddled I would treat you like a serious, thinking adult. But evidently you can't quite grasp the art of communication. To wit (or in your case; to half wit) I never asked for your telephone number, so why are you blathering about your concern over my calling you?

Nevertheless, there is something positive that came out of our 'dialog', and that is your letter. I can assure you that many visitors will get a chuckle out of it and my (yet to be written) response.

Thanks for illuminating your level of insight and intelligence. (By the way... do you wear a clown suit when you write?)

Then King Arthur huffed::

No your partner in crime Bobby Arkow asked for my phone number so that he could give it to you. Apparently you have know idea what he is doing in your name. I think you are the befuddled one. Let me quote him.
>"Since you choose to expand on the virtues of telemarketing, may I have your
> home phone number? I will give it to Private Citizen's president, Bob Bulmash.
> He will include it in his directory as a person who wants calls! It might interest
> you to know that Bulmash has made this offer to various telemarkters, and none
> have taken him up on it! Well, your highness, do you want to be the first?"
> Bob Arkow
If Bobby is acting out of turn please accept my apology for accusing you of wanting my phone number. Now as I have told Bobby. WE ARE HERE TO STAY!!!!! The King

Taken back by King Arthur's lucidity level, I responded:

Right ... but didn't slave traders, buggy whip manufacturers and the Druids say the same thing?

You will likely refuse to address the fact that the vast majority of residents are unwilling to receive the type of solicitation calls you thrust upon them. Your unenlightened position serves only to entertain me; while your sociopathic profession annoys millions in the final sanctuary of their homes.

The anti-junk-call movement is the Dr. Salk to your polio.
You are the disease. We are the cure.

Oh, by the way: the circumstance of referring to yourself as "The King" telegraphs your self-image. It seems your telenuisance involvement has required you to take on that vaporous and childish moniker. When you grow up and have a family, you'll look back on this era of your life with some level of shame and embarrassment.

King Arthur shot back:

Bob,
How naive you are. I have already grown up and have a family and support them quite well. You see an awful lot of people do purchase items. In fact I have earned a very nice living over the last 23 years telemarketing. One question Bob. how come you always stoop to grade school insults? I thought you where an educated person. Oh well, I guess kings are wrong about something's.
King Arthur

Suffering a total loss of self-respect at the hands of The King, I whimpered:

In answer to your 'One question':
Grade school insults???
Aren't such insults in the realm of epitaphs like "Your dumb" or "Your mother wears army boots"?  Your characterization is wrong!

My comment referenced a moniker which YOU CHOSE, and which is indeed one that is used by children to identify themselves during 'make believe time' ... that is, unless you actually think yourself to be a king (which I doubt).

As for my view that you were most likely a 'young professional' telemarketer, if you say I am wrong on that matter; well, so be it.

Thus I have answered your 'One question'

But let me issue a challenge to you.

I recognize that telemarketers will blithely invade our privacy, while hiding behind a rock to protect their own privacy (as evidenced by your predicted reluctance to disclose the name of the firm you work with, or even your own name). So instead, I ask that we begin a debate on the issue of business-to-resident cold sales calls, as such calls are the type which you mentioned in a previous message, which follows:
> "Now I ask you who is more pathetic, people who make legitimate
> calls offering services like insurance, lawn care, new windows,
> or many other products that are useful and actually purchased by
> people or someone who wants to play with the phone for their own
> perverse pleasure.".

The rules are simple and reasonable.

We must:
- respond directly to each other's comment or question,
- each such response to be sent within 5 days,
   (a lax period of 2 weeks is available once, to each of us, for vacations),
- post the full text of the debate, as it evolves, on our respective websites,
- put a clear and conspicuous link to that debate-page on our respective home pages.

You must:
- identify yourself and your firm to me,
- allow my confirmation of such identity by telephone call to you at your job-site.

I must:
- not to disclose your identity to other parties, nor disparage or harm you or your firm, or allow/encourage any third party to do so. This stipulation shall not extend to any activity concerning, or knowledge of, your firm that either I or Private Citizen, Inc. is presently involved in or privy to (such activity being limited to the issuance of the Private Citizen Directory to your specific firm).

The 'identity' stipulation is extant to assure that you are who you claim to be.

Let's have an open and full debate. I am not concerned about the outcome... because, as we both know in our hearts, you are not going to prevail. Your refusal to accept this challenge will be seen as evidence to that effect.

Don't bother complaining that you have no time. You do have the time as evidenced by your quick responses to both myself and Mr. Arkow.

If you have suggestions to modify the 'ground rules' I will be happy to consider them. Either way, I look forward to your (likely cowering or obfuscatious) response.

King Arthur gallantly ran from the challenge, drew his sword and fell on it as the following exchange took place:

King Arthur wrote:
> Bob,
> Just who in the hell do you think you are.

Clearly more than a match for the best that the telenuisance industry has to offer; little ol' you.

> You do not dictate anything to me.

Put a sock in it!  I presented a challenge to you, not a demand.  Can't you read?

> For your information my name is King Arthur. Arthur being my
> family name and King being the name my parents gave me at birth
> (what can I say they were insightful).

I trust you still talk to them.

> That is the only information I deem to give you.
> You can take the rest of your conditions and stick
> them where the sun don't shine.

Just as I predicted, your getting out of the kitchen now that it's hot.
By the way; do you get pleasure with your tail rubbing between your legs?

> You pompous ass, do you think I would ever consider
> sullying my web sight with your drivel.

Of course not. I knew you would back out. Telemarketers just cannot defend themselves when exposed to light.

Regarding 'drivel', any drivel would improve your insipid site.

> I will prevail by telemarketing until I decide to retire,
> and there is really nothing you can do to stop me.

Really?

> I am employed as a Professional Sales Representative
> and am proud of my accomplishments.

I suppose someone with your insight would be proud of annoying folks (you animal you).  Gosh, do people at parties slap you on the back and say, "Gee, how'd ya get such a great job that benefits all of society", when you tell them your 'profession'?  Or do they just ask you to leave quietly?

> How dare you to try and belittle me or my profession.

Oh shucks, with your help, I didn't have to try at all.

> King Arthur

I'm done with you now, having gotten what I wanted from you. So just mop yourself off the floor and take a pill. This is my final response... but please, don't let that deter you from deprecating yourself further. It's somehow sadly satisfying to witness a telemarketer spit-up into his communication device.

Oh, and King Arthur...   I t   H a s   B e e n   A   B l a s t.

In preparing this page I went back to King Arthur's site to copy my initial comments from his guest book. There, I see his own relative blasting him for his involvement in the telenuisance industry:

04/26/98
Name:                                Your niece
City:                                   Jacksonville
Favorite Telemarketer:   Only You!

Comments: You already know my feelings on telemarketers. I really loved the Californians against Telemarketing website. It gave my friends and I a good laugh and lots of great ideas for those pesky phone calls. I come home from work to rest and relax and spend time with my husband. Not to listen to sales pitches, surveys or rude people. If you want me to buy something, send me an informational flyer in the mail that I can either read or toss at my discretion. Otherwise, don't get upset if I hang up on you when you call with a sales pitch. I didn't solicit your phone call so deal with it.